Wanna Die
by kiku-dii
Summary: Kiku thinks if he is gone people won't care much and he is alone. Heracles wants to prove him wrong. Giripan, mentions of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! It's me and I'll be starting this! It's a giripan, so, DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! **

**Iceland: Kiku-dii does not own Hetalia.**

**BTW, the anime Kiku is watching is Shugo Chara! And the beginning is lyrics from Miku's song, Wanna Die! Enjoy~**

_Wanna die_

_Dying is fine_

_Wanna die_

_Dying is fine_

_Have it your way_

_No one would care if you died._

Kiku brought the blade down on his left arm. He added more force into it, causing a drop of blood to appear. _It wouldn't matter if I was gone…_he thought to his self and slashed the blade across his arm. He flinched a bit from the pain and watched his blood flow freely from his arm.

He bit his lower lip and leaned against the bathtub. After a minute or two, he cleaned up and patched his self up. A tear ran down his cheek and he started to sob silently.

_Earlier that day…_

"vee~ And he said…so I…" Feli spoke nonsense as Kiku mindlessly listened. Occasionally he nodded or mutters 'I agree'. It was always like this everyday. Feliancio or sometimes Yao would babble to Kiku for half of the day, then he would have lunch, tutor Alfred. Be tormented by Ivan, be saved by the Hall-montitor, then walk home with Heracles.

But in the end, he was still alone.

Feliancio would soon get bored and turn to Ludwig, Yao would go with his group, Alfred leaves with Arthur. Ivan will soon wander off also. Even Heracles has a curfew and has to be home at a certain hour. His only true friend was Heracles, and Kiku only got to see him for only about 15 minutes.

But that same day, Kiku was on the computer. He was doing the usual, watching anime, when he noticed the chatbox near it. It caught his attention more than the girl with the pink hair looking for a blue flying thing that came from an egg in the anime.

_Meli_44: My life sucks_

_Kirbieee: this again?_

_Meli_44: Yes, he dumped me. Now I feel like I have nothing to look forward to._

_Kirbieee: So are u committing suicide or sumthin?_

_Meli_44: I'm thinking of it, will you stop me?_

_Kirbieee: Nope, it's your choice. Go ahead._

_Meli_44: It's good to know you can actually support me, your all I have, but I can't take it anymore._

Kiku frowned. This conversation was stupid, but true at the same time.

Why would someone tell a random person that they are planning to kill theirselves, the other person would not try to stop you at all, just giving you another reason to give it all up. Then again, it just shows you how worthless you are, no one will notice if you were gone anyways. Kiku thought deeply about it and researched it.

In a chatting website, there were answers to what questions about suicide other people had.

_Do it._

_See if we care, why would you even think of posting this crap?_

_Don't listen to these people! Your live is precious!_

_I wonder what happens when you die…_

_Go ahead._

_It depends…do you think you're worthless? Then go ahead. But do you think it's a good idea? Will people miss you? If you really have nothing to look forward to, then you should know what you want, and if your sure about it._

Kiku read the last answer. Will people miss him? No. He thought angrily to his self. He shut down his laptop.

No one was home but him. He lives with his cousin, Yao, and his aunt ever since his parents died. _I wonder what's it like if I died…_ he thought and walked to his kitchen. _No one will notice…right? If I just end it right now, it would be a stress relief for everyone…_

He grabbed a nearest kitchen blade and walked over to the bathroom. He took out his school's sweater and shirt and neatly folded it.

Kiku angled the blade right above his heart.

_One simple plunge of the blade…_

_End it all._

Kiku started to shake. What if it was a bad idea? Would it be a worse idea ending it? Kiku was shaking more now, and his eyes were filled with tears. He tried breathing in, and out to calm his self.

Why is it being so hard now?

Kiku shut his eyes and thought of his parents. If he ended it here, would he see them again?

Instead of piercing his heart like he first intended to do, he brought the blade down and slashed his wrist.

Sighing and sliding down the tiled wall, he let his arms limp to his sides. _What's wrong with me? _He thought to his self. But he felt some stress lift from his shoulders as the pain numbed up. He looked at the blade, and down to his arm. Lifting his arm, he positioned the blade at his left arm…

Back to present…

After crying, Kiku walked to his room and blasted his headphones really high and shut his eyes…

OOoOO

**This might probably last three chapters or more… what do you guys think? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay~ Chapter 2 is up. Okay I lied. I might make this longer that 3 chapters cause I gotta plot in my head. I take any ideas, and I do not own Hetalia**

**Iceland: *gasps* you have a plooooot?**

**Anyways, I don't own Hetalia, nor a goldfish.**

OOoOO

Three days later, Kiku found his self standing at the edge of the abandoned warehouse's roof. His arms were covered with cuts and gashes from the previous three days. Rain poured from the sky, and the clouds were dark. Kiku looked down, and slipped of his shoe, letting it fall down the roof. _This time… I'll do it this time._ Kiku decided today. He sighed and layed down, with his feet hanging. Kiku looked up at the sky. He then got up and looked down.

Heracles was walking down the street and to his car and was minding his own business. He yawned and smiled. Today seemed like a good day, maybe he will try to take a nap at the home since it's raining. He shook his soaking wet hair and continued to walk. Out of no where, a blue converse shoe fell from out the sky. He picked it up and looked where it came from. From the roof of the warehouse, a pair of legs hanged lazily from the top. His eyes widened. It looks like someone was going to jump…He ran to the warehouse and went up the stairs. When he was at the top, Heracles gasped when he found out who was at the top.

"K-Kiku?" He took steps closer to where Kiku was standing. Kiku turned, but said nothing. Heracles shook his head "No…Please don't do this. Don't tell me it's what it looks like." Kiku looked down again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "It's exactly what it looks like"

"You know this is not the answer to anything… just don't do this." Heracles reached a hand out to Kiku to take. He shook his head "T-that's easy for you to say! Let me be! I can't take it anymore…" He shouted.

"…" Heracles said nothing at first, but then he began to speak.

"so this is what you decided? To **kill** yourself? Of all things ,Kiku, this is the worst. Just…please… I begging you not t-to do this…" his voice began to crack and he wiped at a tear that was starting to form.

Kiku, who was expressionless, took a series of emotions at once. Instead of wanting to jump, he wanted to trust Heracles, to give in and just stay home. He felt guilty, embarrassed, horrible. He had a tight feeling in his chest that he could not get off. He was hoping it was not infatuation; it would be harder to leave like that.

Heracles hand was still there, offering help, a life with its ups and downs, or just no life at all. Kiku took it, quickly being surrounded by Heracles bear-like hug.

Heracles placed feather kisses to the top of Kiku's hair and murmured words like 'don't do that again'.

After realizing his actions, Kiku just suddenly started to sob. "Hera-Heracles, I'm so s-stupid!" he stuttered out. Heracles shook his head. As tears flowed from Kiku's eyes, he gripped Heracles's backside and sobbed on his right shoulder. No words were said after that, just the occasional hiccup and the sobbing of Kiku. Heracles never loosened his grip on Kiku.

"Let's go, we are getting soaked." Heracles finally said. Kiku nodded, and

started to stumble. Before even getting to the stairs, his legs gave in and his knees bucked. With a small yelp, Kiku almost fell, but Heracles catches his in time.

Noticing his shaking legs, he picked up Kiku and began to carry him.

"You're in no condition to walk." He explained. He walked all the way down the stairs with Kiku clutching around his neck for support.

Once, out of the warehouse, Kiku watched over Heracles shoulder as they left it. Everything was still blurry, since he was still crying, but this time, quietly. He felt safe at Heracles grip, but had a feeling that this was not the first time he would be at its roof. Feeling insecure, he buried his face at Heracles neck.

Heracles blushed as Kiku nuzzled into his neck. It was true that he had loved Kiku for a long time, but he never knew this was really how Kiku felt. It just made him wants to take Kiku and stay with him until all those horrible thoughts were out of his head. But Heracles admiration was more than just love. It was also lust, so he spent his self on the girls he had a false love with them. To Heracles it was just like a game. Be charming, go out with her, and then sleep with her. That was all. But he was never satisfied when he was done. He only wanted Kiku, not those girls who were always batting their eyelashes at him.

Taking Kiku to his car, he set Kiku on the passenger seat and he went to the back to get some things. Just as Heracles left, Kiku felt unsafe and scared. He shrinked lower onto his seat and bit his lip. Then he started to realize what situation he was in. When Heracles came, Kiku looked down in guilt. Heracles never cried. There was not a single time when he saw the older boy cry. _I made him cry…_ He thought in guilt. Heracles got the jacket he usually wore and draped it around Kiku's shoulders.

"Kiku, let's go to my house, I think it's better that way…" He offered. Kiku looked up and shrugged. He did not really care where he went at this instant, he just wanted to be aware from the warehouse.

He looked out the window as the car started to run. Heracles opened his mouth to say something, but he did not say anything at all. Instead, he just shut mouth and frowned. Kiku ignored Heracles strange behavior. There were no words to say.

And the whole car ride was speechless.

OOoOO

**TT_TT Ummm… I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I always try to see if I can update at least once a week.**

**Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is up! Bhawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I'm wasting your time with this author's note, just go read it!**

**OOoOO**

Heracles parked his car near his house and helped Kiku up his stairs. Once inside, Kiku prepared for the lecture Heracles was going to give him and sat down on Heracles's bed. Heracles angrily sighed, sitting down on his desk chair. He looked up to look Kiku strait in the eye. Kiku flinched when he saw the angry look Heracles gave him.

"Are you serious? What were you thinking! Kiku, if I was not there, you could have… would have…" He did not finish his sentence. Kiku said nothing and only watched Heracles.

"This is all stupid. All of it. Kiku, I thought you were the smart one here. Did you really let Ivan's teasing get to you?" Heracles continued. Kiku hesitated before shaking his head. Ivan was the least of it all.

He had no place. He did not even fit in. He looked up before saying how he felt. He explained it all to Heracles.

Heracles nodded and listened the whole way. How Kiku felt unwanted. The story of Kiku's parents dying in a car crash. He sat near Kiku and comforted him when he bursted to tears.

"Hera-Heracles! I hate it!" He sobbed. Heracles layed Kiku down and placed the sheets above him.

"Kiku, take a nap. That's what I do when I have a problem." Heracles offered. Kiku frowned.

"Is that why you did not finish you science project la-last week?" Kiku scolded.

Heracles sheepishly smiled. That was true.

He patted Kiku's hair down. "Uhh… nevermind that. Just take a rest, okay?"

Kiku shrugged and shut his eyes.

Heracles sighed and was about to leave, when Kiku's hand shot out from under the covers.

"Please don't leave me…" Kiku begged. Heracles looked back down at his friend. He softly smiled to his self.

"Well, I was needing a nap myself…" he muttered and sat in a comfortable position near Kiku.

Kiku lifted his head from the pillow and rested it at Heracles lap instead. It was more comfortable that way. Heracles only smiled and petted Kiku's hair more.

Yawning, he turned off the lamp and fell asleep.

~oOo~

Kiku's eyes fluttered opened and he yawned, felling more than usually groggy. He got up, instantly regretting it and fell back down on Heracles's lap, waking him up. Heracles woke and stretched.

"Uhh… afternoon, Kiku." He yawned.

Kiku said nothing and rolled off Heracles's lap, laying at the edge of the bed facedown. Heracles instantly noticed and loomed over Kiku. "What's wrong?"

All he heard was a muffled noise. Flipping Kiku over, Heracles noticed Kiku had a face of pain. Kiku groaned and clutched his head. Heracles started to panic.

"I-Is there anything you need?" he asked. But Kiku shook his head.

"I…don't…feel good." He replied.

Heracles felt Kiku's forehead and pulled back in shock. Kiku was having a high fever. Not used to this situation, Heracles pulled Kiku onto his lap and comforted him, just as his mom would do when he was young.

Kiku gasped when he felt Heracles pulling him to his lap, but was too weak to struggle. After a couple seconds, he felt used to it and comfy, but he was still hurting.

Clutching Heracles's shirt, he bit his lower lip and tried to ignore the pain, soon falling unconscious.

~oOo~

**Sorry this took kinda long! I was absorbed in other random crap this whole week! The next chapter might take awhile. Review, okay? ^^**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 is up! Enjoy!**

~oOo~

Heraclues sighed and layed Kiku back down on the bed. Placing a wet cloth on Kiku's forehead, he patted Kiku down, looking for his cell. Taking it out, he went to Kiku's contacts, calling the house number.

"Kiku! Where are you, aru?" Heraclues heard Yao yell at the other side.

"No, it's me…Heraclues."

"Huh? Where's Kiku? Why do you have his phone?"

"He…has a fever. You can't talk to him right now, he's unconscious."

"Aiyah! Do you need anything?Do you want me to pick him up?"

"Uhhh… no. I don't want to move him. I'll send him back when he's better, is that okay?"

"Yeah, Kiku has his own keys."

"Kay, bye" Heracules hung up and placed Kiku's phone at the table. His cat rubbed against his leg, so he picked it up and started to pet it. He sneezed and walked to the kitchen. He looked around, wondering what to do then he started on soup.

When he was finished, he went to check on Kiku.

Kiku layed in the bed with a slightly pained expression. Sweat rolled down his forehead and the cloth fell slipped out long ago. His chest rose up and down, his breaths came out as ragged pants. Heracles rushed over to his side and placed the cloth on his forehead again. Kiku groaned slightly and turned his head away. His eyes fluttered opened and he saw Heraclues leaning over him.

He shut his eyes when he felt the cool cloth on his forehead. "H-Hera… what…happened?" he groaned. Heracles looked up. "You fell unconscious. Do you feel okay?" he asked. Kiku shook his head. He whimpered when he felt a wave of nasusa hit him. Heracles remembered the medicine in the cabinet, so he rushed to get it. "Wait here!" he called and ran to the bathroom.

Kiku looked around the room. Deciding he did not want the cloth to fall off, he did not move. The cat jumped up on the bed and started randomly meowing. Kiku smiled. It was like the cat was holding a conversation with him. Heracles came a minute later, holding some water and a bottle. Kiku flinched. Why did it have to be liquid of all things?

Heracles smiled and placed some of it in a tablespoon. "I see you don't like medicine." He chuckled. Kiku nodded. "But, the sooner the better, so say ah" he said.

Kiku opened his mouth and drank it. He wanted to spit it out, but refrain from doing so. He looked at Heracles. He blinked, before asking, "Why do you care?"

Heracles pulled away, confused at the sudden question. "Huh?" Kiku frowned, looking at the floor.

"You... you're always nice to me. Why? Why me of all things? I'm not special, beautiful, charming, or even brave." Kiku muttered.

Heracles looked away, uncertain if his answer would satisfy Kiku.

"Umm, you're my friend." He answered. Kiku frowned. I sounded like a question more than an answer, so he was a little hurt by that.

Heracles noticed it but said nothing. He did not want to tell the answer at that moment. Kiku looked away. "I tried to kill myself but you…" he looked straight up at Heracles.

"You stopped me." He finished. He looked down again. Shaking his head, he rested his head on the pillow.

Heracles placed a soft kiss to Kiku's forehead before leaving. Turning around, he muttered, "Good night."

~oOo~

Four days later, Kiku returned home. He went back to school and pretended nothing happened. Heracles still walked him home, and sometimes, he would stay for a while.

It was fine like that, but something was always missing.

There was now this awkwardness between the two. Kiku would barely talk, and Heracles was always asking questions. Like, how are you feeling, or have you been doing fine. Kiku felt embarrassed by those, but Heracles was only being a little protective.

Saturday, Heracles knocked on the door. Yao answered.

"Hi, Heracles." He said. He yawned. "If you're looking for Kiku, he left a while ago. I don't really know where, but it's not my business."

Heracles tensed. "Do you have any idea where he went?" he asked.

Yao shrugged. He heard a scream from upstairs and sighed. "Listen, aru. Hong placed firecrackers on Mei's closet, and I think they went off. Gotta go." He said and closed the door.

Heracles thought of where Kiku could have been, and then started to run to the source.

~oOo~

Kiku sat at the grass, watching his favorite scene; the sun set at the lake. He took out his blade, angling at his wrist. He pushed down at it, making a drop of blood appear.

But instead of feeling relief, he felt pain this time. He flinched, stopping right in his tracks. He thought of Heracles, feeling guilty for doing this.

Throwing the blade to the water, he wiped a tear from his eye.

"I don't want to do this…" he cried out softly.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. Gasping, the person nuzzled his head to Kiku's neck.

"Then don't do it." Heracles muttered against Kiku's neck, causing Kiku to shiver.

Kiku leaned to Heracles touch. "…" he said nothing. Heracles turned Kiku around, staring right at his eyes. "Promise you won't…" he muttered, leaning closer. Kiku could only nod his head, softly closing his eyes.

Their lips captured each other in a sweet kiss, lasting a good amount of time before they both pull away from each other. Heracles lightly holded Kiku's cheek, leaning again for a more passionate kiss. Kiku kissed back lightly, tilting his head a little.

Kiku pulled away, leaning is head on Heracles's shoulder. Heracles kissed the top of Kiku's head, nuzzling to the scent of Kiku's hair. Kiku sighed. "Can we…stay like this for a while?" he asked quietly. Heracles replied with a "Mmm…" meaning yes.

"I love you." Heracles murmured. Kiku let his eyes flutter close.

"…love you too." He softly replied.

End.

**Ha. Ending is suckish D: I know, I know, but I started a new story, so I had to get this one done or else updating will take a long time. But whutevah. I hope you guys kinda-sorta like the ending. I was planning on a lot more, but with my other stories waiting and school… I decided to finish this earlier.**


End file.
